In the quest to address my mental health I overwhelmed myself with anxiety. Yes, I was on meds for the first time and I was having difficulty reckoning this new sense of awareness with my already established identity. Maybe I was a lucky fraud who stumbled his way through life. Or maybe I’m still the same person and I am just taking the time to get some of the mental cobwebs in order!?

Either way, I’m feeling GREAT today! While I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes and I was ready to go 100 mph, its ok for me to take baby steps. Maybe I don’t need to fix myself in a day, maybe I don’t even make the plan yet I just learn HOW to make the plan. Maybe I do what I actually do best is to learn. Stop blindly trusting your intuition (even though I am right 100 percent of the time) and see how others do it. I could take out one of the thousands of projects I’ve been working on and finish it! Now I have the time and energy and FOCUS to become the great DJ I’ve always wanted to be! Maybe I launch another webcomic to go with the three other abandoned projects.

or maybe I don’t do anything new. Maybe I focus and refine what I do best. and by focus I also mean not overcommitting to any project that sounds interesting. It means not trying to steer the boat in every possible direction based upon whatever whim I’m feeling at the moment. Maybe I don’t throw one hundred ideas at the wall and be happy with the confusing mess I’ve created.

Maybe I just start to refine and edit. Yes, channel the chaos that is the existence of my life but make it fashion. Own my narrative, be proud of it, and realize that it’s what makes me valuable.

It’s time I begin to trim some excess and settle into an identity. I’m allowed to be comfortable in my own skin.

also, wow, maybe I used the word MAYBE too many times in this! See, I’m editing and I’m catching it! No more maybe!

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